afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
