It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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