He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
