My room smells like vodka and shame
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
