The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
