Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
