sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
