Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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