i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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