Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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