so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
