You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
