That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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