Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
