Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
