I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
