Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
