youre lurking in front of me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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