4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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