I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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