hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
