btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
