You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
