dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
