I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
