I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
