You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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