Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
