They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need moral support for this bender
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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