Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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