I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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