there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
