They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
