Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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