my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
