She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
