Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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