Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
