i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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