I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
