I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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