FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
