I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
