In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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