Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
