i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
