Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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