I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
