You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
