I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
