i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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