getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
